wanna go halves on a baby?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
