come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
