My cat gives me a boner
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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