my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
