she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
