I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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