Kiss
Puke
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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