So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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