phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
