I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
