what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
