Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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