Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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