I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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