Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
