You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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