arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
