A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
