So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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