Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
