and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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