Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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