worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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