Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize