After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
