His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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