I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
