Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We have so much sex to catch up on
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
