i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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