the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
