Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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