i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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