What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
