Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
