Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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