Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
