She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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