During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
