I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
