Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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