I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
