oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
