Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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