why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
