They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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