I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
