May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize