Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
