I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
