Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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