I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
