everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
