How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize