Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
