I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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