I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
