Do you still have your period?
my phone needs a breathalizer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
