im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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