I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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