Sry I called you an 8
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
