1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
