You're earring is so big in my mouth
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
