the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
