so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
