Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
