just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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