I wanna passion pit in your ass
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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