Sponge bath it is.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
