my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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