I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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