did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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