Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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