Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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