yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
