I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
