apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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