Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Acid is not a monday night drug
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
