I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize