She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
