My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
