obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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