he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
