I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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