I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
