see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
