trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
