in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
