Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
