roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
