I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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