My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
