she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
