It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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