Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
