i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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