He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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